Day 45 – This Is Dedicated To The One I Love

I’ve been a little distracted this year. There have been too many insignificant things that I felt like I wanted in the moment but have, of course, amounted to nothing. Today, however, I was talking to a friend who is going on a three month holiday to the USA and I remembered something really, really important. Guys, it’s time to introduce you to my one true love:

ny

New York City and I have been having a long-distance relationship since I was 18. I’d say it’s pretty serious.

I need to find a way to remember that all of this, my undergrad, my Hons, my MA were all steps that I planned out since I last visited this glorious city. I was once so passionate and so certain about everything but lately, I’ve been losing my focus. I wish I could go back, even for just two weeks so that I can feel what I once felt. Would it be the same? Or will I ultimately feel nothing and give up on the dream?

I mean, it did once...

I mean, it did once…

When I was 18, going to New York made me feel like I could do anything. It was inspiring to see all the beautiful bright lights and feel like there was just a creating energy constantly buzzing around me. Why is it that now, when I’ve reached the final stage of my mutli-year plan, I’m starting to doubt everything? New York seems so scary and out of reach. What would I even do if I get there? I would make a terrible barista.

Well, I'm pretty scared so I think I'm good.

Well, I’m pretty scared so I think I’m good.

The plan is, once I graduate, I’m moving to NYC with JK and TK. I need to start conditioning my mind to accept that fact that I’m not going to be here for very much longer. I need to stop wasting time on situations that never progress and stop buying stupid crap that I eventually have to throw out in a year.

I should probably also write a thesis at some point.

Not quite. But close.

Not quite. But close.

Things I did instead of working:

  • Took a long, hard look at my future. What am I waiting for? Tick tock!
  • Tried to watch GoT. Things are slowing down for me now that I know I’m nearing the end. That sounds familiar :-/

Random “Do It!” lyrics:

Naturally I’m worried if I do it alone
Who really cares ’cause it’s your life
You never know, it could be great
Take a chance ’cause you might grow
Oh, oh oh

What you waiting
What you waiting
What you waiting
What you waiting
What you waiting for!?

– Gwen Stefani

tumblr_static_nyc_gif

Eye on the prize, baby.

 

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