selena gomez

Day 4 – Stayin’ Alive (When You’re Alone in the Office)

Today was another long day of marking but I finally got through it all. Just finalising the percentages tomorrow and hopefully they’ll be ready to be handed back.

Working on a Sunday, especially a Sunday morning, often means the uni will be empty. So, of course, when I entered the unlit halls of the office in the wee small hours of the morning, I immediately started recalling every slasher movie I had ever seen.

But which movie serial killer would bother with me?

[SPOILER ALERT FOR OLD SLASHER MOVIES]

The first one I thought of was the killer in Urban Legend.

Crazy Eyes McGee

Crazy Eyes McGee

Rebecca Gayheart plays the terrifying killer looking to avenge the senseless death of her high school sweetheart. She was my first thought because this movie was actually set in a university and the victims were often somewhere isolated when her crazy ass showed up.  I wouldn’t have been her main target as I have never accidentally killed anyone (touch wood) but who knows what my friends get up to. I could be like poor Tara Reid. All she wanted to do was do her call-in sex advice line… 😦

There’s also Ghostface. I only count the original because he/they started it all.

"Please don't kill me, Mr. Ghostface. I wanna be in the sequel."

“Please don’t kill me, Mr. Ghostface. I wanna be in the sequel.”

I’m pretty sure I don’t have a disturbed on/off high school boyfriend but if I did, I’m almost certain neither of my parents have ever caused any of my exes’ parents to break up. Again, that ensures I’m not the Scream Queen but what if I share an office with someone who is…? Maybe they want to send a message?! Speaking of which…

Not the hair!!

Not the hair!!

Originally, The Fisherman only wanted to hurt the people who ran him over. But in the sequel he went after everybody. I have a certain sense of safety because I don’t actually know how to drive therefore I have never hit anyone with a car. Having said that, I’m beginning to realise that this movie may be the reason I’m afraid of driving. Regardless, The Fisherman liked to toy with his victims before he ultimately decides to kill them. In fact, Sarah Michelle Gellar’s chase scene is one of the longest and most tense kill scenes in any movie. Though even before this iconic scene, The Fisherman decided to screw with Helen by sneaking into her room and cutting off all her hair. That’s just crossing the line.

Then of course there’s Michael Myers who is probably the most likely and also the most terrifying of all.

The reason I lock my office

The reason I lock my office

He just wants to kill for no reason. I don’t need to ever have met him before. He’ll just kill me because he somehow wandered into our media offices.

So it looks as though if a movie serial killer did try to off me while I’m studying, it’ll either be completely random or a friend of mine has a dark past and it’s coming back to haunt them. Thanks guys.

I should probably go upload a hegemonically attractive, racially-ambiguous Facebook profile photo so that people will care when I inevitably end up on the news.

Things I did today instead of working:

  • Listened to problematic pop songs. What up, Selena?
  • Thought about the social implications of oral selfies as described in The Time-Traveller’s Wife and Shortbus.
  • Rocked out to ‘The Final Countdown’ when I reached the last three essays. Do do do do, do do do-do-do.

Random problematic pop lyrics of the day:

When you’re ready come and get it
Na na na na na na na na na na na na
When you’re ready come and get it
Na na na na na na na na na na na na

You ain’t gotta worry it’s an open invitation
I’ll be sittin’ right here real patient
All day all night I’ll be waitin’ standby
Can’t stop because I love it, hate the way I love you
All day all night maybe I’m addicted for life, no lie.

-Selena Gomez

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